How Do They Do It?

There are a number of things that I'm good at. I'd even go so far as to say that I'm a halfway decent parent most days. One thing I stink at, though, is home-schooling. I don't know how all those moms do it. It seems like it should be the simplest thing in the world, natural even - I mean people did it sort of before there were schools, didn't they? Yet the skill set consistently eludes and frustrates me.

My daughter didn't quite make the cut-off for kindergarten this year, and because of finances, she's at preschool less than she was last year. But she still has to know certain things before she starts kindergarten, because from what I keep hearing, these things are no longer taught but expected. Even the children in her class have more developed skills than she does, because they are working on them every day. So I try to work on these things at home. We work on holding the crayon properly, beginning letter sounds, numbers, whatever we can. But what we 'can' do is increasingly less as my patience rapidly dwindles.

It wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't bother her that she's slightly behind her peers. It does upset her though when her kindergarten friends call her a baby or snottily point out that their drawings are better than her scribbles. She gets frustrated when she's having trouble cutting and is the last one to finish her school project. She chastises herself almost as mercilessly than they do and I can't take it. So I try to tell her that where she's at is fine and that she just needs to keep practicing. But she doesn't want to practice - she wants to watch TV or do puzzles or go run outside. While I can't blame her, if she doesn't do the harder things, she won't get better at them and she'll continue to be teased and to berate herself.

We worked on writing her name this morning. First she traced my block letters, then over my dotted lines, then connect the dots. That was all fun until she had to try it on her own.

"I can't do it! I'm no good at writing my name!"

"Yes you can, you just did it five times. Try."

"I don't want to!" And she threw the pencil onto the table.

There is something in my personality that gets very annoyed with people who give up too easily. Some things I have infinite patience for - quitting is not one of them. Even when my husband gives up on a game of chess, on the rare occasion that he's not slaughtering me, instead of playing out the game and seeing if he can pull a win out of his butt, I want to whack him right upside his head. What's this nonsense that you only play until the end when you're winning? I'm as sore a loser as he is, but at least I get mad when someone else beats me - and don't just settle for beating myself.

My daughter seems to have adopted this same trait. She gives up before she can fail. We don't pressure our kids to be great or even good at anything, but I do demand that they try. I just don't seem to have the patience to deal with their frustration intolerance.

Perhaps I have unrealistic expectations, and maybe I'm unwittingly putting too much pressure on my daughter. I just don't want her to feel badly about herself by comparing herself to her friends. She's a smart girl and she's naturally good at lots of things. But she also needs to understand that even if you're not great at something doesn't mean you just stop working at it, especially if it's something you're going to have to do like it or not. You don't want to practice soccer because it's too hard? Fine by me! Do something you enjoy! But being able to write and read is pretty much not optional. She'll need to know those things even if she does join the circus (like she's telling me right now).

So, what am I doing wrong? How do I get her to keep working on those skills without making them so miserable that we're both irritated with each other and the task at hand? How do those home-schooling moms do it? Any comments or advice will be much appreciated.