Who Says I Have to Do Something With My Hair?

Almost two years ago, I decided to stop relaxing my hair and to wear it naturally. That was on Election Day of 2005. Not long after that I decided that I was ready to transition into dreadlocks. There were many reasons for these changes, but one major reason was that I felt I needed to regain some part of my cultural and ethnic identity. Other factors were a desire to stop poisoning my hair and body with chemicals, and to stop warping my mind by trying to fit the description of someone I could never be. I don't think I consciously wanted to be anyone else, but subconsciously, it's kind of ingrained in the culture: long, silky, shiny, bouncin'-and-behavin' hair was the the way.

I love my locs. They require some maintenance, but are actually easier on a day to day basis than having my hair relaxed, or even just wearing in naturally loose. I've had periods of wanting to chop them off, more out of a need for change than anything else, but they've always passed. My hair is my hair and it's awesome (to me) just the way it is.

So where did I get this crazy notion that I need to do 'something' with it tonight?
My husband and I are going to a wedding this evening - his cousin is getting married. I should point out that his family is Italian. I bought a really knock-out dress and made a lovely shrug to go with it. I've got the shoes and accessories to go with it. Then for some bizarre reason, I got this idea in my head that I needed to do 'something' with my hair.

It's not so huge a leap to make - that's what all women say when they're dressing up, isn't it? When you're 'going out' you go get your hair done. The thing is, there's not all that much to do with my hair. I go to a loctician periodically and she's done a funky thing with pipe-cleaners to set it and make it curly, but I can't do that myself. Nor do I have the money or time to go see her. I actually think my hair looks nicer without the curls. But still, I tried.

I washed it and twisted as I normally would. I even did some cute twists at the front and secured them back from my face. And then I decided to try the pipe cleaners. Call it temporary insanity. Clearly I am not my loctician. I noticed pretty quickly that it was not going to work. So then I spent a very frustrating time trying to get the pipe cleaners back out of my hair. But I didn't quite give up on the idea of 'doing' my hair.

I kept the front twists and then thought that maybe if I rolled up the back and secured it in a kind of bun, the ends might get a bit of a curl. I should really know better.

This morning, after a night with an awful headache, I undid my hair. Now it is a) still damp and b) not curled at all. Total waste of a good night's sleep.

So now my hair looks pretty much like it always does and this is not a problem in the least. It's clean and groomed and will drape nicely over my shoulders, not taking away from the real focus of my ensemble: my dress. If I do say so myself, I think I will look pretty darned good tonight. I just wish I had saved myself the headache of trying to conform to someone else's idea of 'done' and had spent a bit less time time in pain. Live and learn. I locked my hair as a way of accepting myself as I am. Sometimes I just need to be reminded that everyone else will just have to accept me as I am, too.