It is very gratifying for me to know that I have two kids - five and seven - who can actually appreciate and enjoy April Fools Day without getting bent out of shape at being tricked or without becoming mean in their humor. They actually got me a couple of times! I can't remember the last afternoon I spent laughing so hard.
This is in direct contrast to some other people I've seen today on other sites that can't take a joke to save their clearly miserable lives. And what's worse, not only can they not enjoy the joke, but they feel the need to ruin it for everyone else. That's just more annoying than I can even express. I've gotten tricked a fair few times today and I'm laughing at myself.
It's not about being mean in the trickery. It's about being able to laugh at ourselves and our own silliness or gullibility. It's about lightening up for a day.
Showing posts with label being silly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being silly. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Steps to becoming a parent
A friend emailed this to me and I laughed so hard, I just HAD to post it! I don't know the original source, but it isn't my writing. I'm just passing it along.
How to become a parent in 15 simple steps:
Lesson 1
Go to the grocery store.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home.
Pick up the paper.
Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their:
Methods of discipline.
Lack of patience.
Appallingly low tolerance levels.
Allowing their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding,sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3
To discover how the nights will feel...Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
Set the alarm for 3AM.
As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink.
Go to bed at 2:45AM.
Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.
Get up.
Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years.
Look cheerful.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make?
To find out...Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
Then rub them on the clean walls.
Cover the stains with crayons.
How does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6
Take an egg carton.
Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper.
Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs.
Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van.
And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining.
Family cars don't look like that.
Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
Get a dime.
Stick it in the CD player.
Take a family size package of chocolate cookies.
Mash them into the back seat.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
There.
Perfect.
Lesson 8
Get ready to go out.
Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour.
Go out the front door.
Come in again. Go out.Come back in.Go out again.
Walk down the front path.Walk back up it.
Walk down it again.Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps.
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9
Repeat everything at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store.
Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full- grown goat is excellent).
If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.
Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 11
Hollow out a melon.
Make a small hole in the side.
Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
Tip half into your lap.
The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.
Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon.
Watch nothing else on T V for at least five years.
Lesson 13
Move to the tropics.
Find or make a compost pile.
Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it.
Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.
Important:no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).
Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice.
Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
How to become a parent in 15 simple steps:
Lesson 1
Go to the grocery store.
Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
Go home.
Pick up the paper.
Read it for the last time.
Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their:
Methods of discipline.
Lack of patience.
Appallingly low tolerance levels.
Allowing their children to run wild.
Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding,sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it, because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.
Lesson 3
To discover how the nights will feel...Walk around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
At 10PM, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
Set the alarm for 3AM.
As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink.
Go to bed at 2:45AM.
Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
Sing songs in the dark until 4AM.
Get up.
Make breakfast.
Keep this up for 5 years.
Look cheerful.
Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make?
To find out...Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
Then rub them on the clean walls.
Cover the stains with crayons.
How does that look?
Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this - all morning.
Lesson 6
Take an egg carton.
Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.
Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper.
Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.
Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs.
Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.
Lesson 7
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van.
And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining.
Family cars don't look like that.
Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
Get a dime.
Stick it in the CD player.
Take a family size package of chocolate cookies.
Mash them into the back seat.
Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
There.
Perfect.
Lesson 8
Get ready to go out.
Wait outside the bathroom for half an hour.
Go out the front door.
Come in again. Go out.Come back in.Go out again.
Walk down the front path.Walk back up it.
Walk down it again.Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.
Retrace your steps.
Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.
Give up and go back into the house.
You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.
Lesson 9
Repeat everything at least (if not more than) five times.
Lesson 10
Go to the local grocery store.
Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full- grown goat is excellent).
If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight.
Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.
Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.
Lesson 11
Hollow out a melon.
Make a small hole in the side.
Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
Tip half into your lap.
The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.
Lesson 12
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon.
Watch nothing else on T V for at least five years.
Lesson 13
Move to the tropics.
Find or make a compost pile.
Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it.
Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.
Lesson 14
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying "mommy" repeatedly.
Important:no more than a four second delay between each "mommy"; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required).
Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years.
You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.
Lesson 15
Start talking to an adult of your choice.
Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the "mommy" tape made from Lesson 14 above.
You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
You Know It Will Be An Interesting Day When...
1. You wake up in the middle of the previous night from a nightmare about a plane having to make an emergency landing. Oddly, only the back part of the plane, where you are sitting, is effected but the plane being tossed end over end.
2. Your comes screaming into your room at 3:30 a.m.
3. After getting him back to sleep, your son comes and tramples you when the alarm goes off at 5:30.
4. The downstairs toilet - the one that the family uses most often in the mornings - completely overflows.
5. Your DH forgets his wallet and then has to come home to get it, making him late for his train.
6. Your boss was supposed to take you out for breakfast, but forgot, so you end up going with her to walk her dogs instead.
Hm...this was all before noon. Would I be stupid to even think about leaving the house this afternoon?
2. Your comes screaming into your room at 3:30 a.m.
3. After getting him back to sleep, your son comes and tramples you when the alarm goes off at 5:30.
4. The downstairs toilet - the one that the family uses most often in the mornings - completely overflows.
5. Your DH forgets his wallet and then has to come home to get it, making him late for his train.
6. Your boss was supposed to take you out for breakfast, but forgot, so you end up going with her to walk her dogs instead.
Hm...this was all before noon. Would I be stupid to even think about leaving the house this afternoon?
Friday, August 24, 2007
Ten Ways to Thoroughly Depress Yourself
Start with a dreary day, preferably one that's bitingly cold or oppressively sticky and hot for best results.
Don't bother to put on clothes; stay in your pajamas. I find that if I don't get dressed in the morning, especially when I'm sick, that can pretty much ensure a bout of the blues by midday. Don't dress the kids either if you can avoid it; happy, energetic kids will kill a depression. Better to have them as lethargic as you are.
Have something with loads of sugar as early as possible. That way, you'll have just enough energy to do what you absolutely must - like getting the kids out to school - but then you'll have that lovely sugar crash. The more sugar you've had, the harder it is to bounce back from the crash, so eat accordingly. There's also the added guilt of eating empty calories, but that only works if you've got any internal issues with your weight. If you're happy in your body, don't expect a sugar binge to help you to fix that.
Make sure you have nothing productive to do. I for one only have to leave the house for work a few days a week, so my best days for being down are the days I can stay at home.
Start a blog or create a MySpace, LiveJournal or some other such page, and then friend lock it. But don't invite anyone to come and join with you. That way if you need to add loneliness to your feeling of despair, you can just click on your page and see the glaring lack of interest in, well, you.
Talk to someone you can't stand, or at the very least, someone who will criticize you mercilessly. In-laws or parents can be great for this! Moms have really perfected this to an art-form, by the way, as have mothers-in-law (well, they are moms too, so it would stand to reason). Not married? No worries - there's always a bully somewhere close by if one only looks hard enough. Don't give up!
DO NOT leave the house, except in the case of fire or other life-threatening emergency, especially if (heaven forbid) the sun has decided to come out. This should be made easier if you've followed the first rule of not getting dressed.
Listen to sad music or watch a sad movie. Better yet, watch a show about really rich people, or someone who has things in life you will never even be able to dream of. Obviously, if you're rich and attempting to use this method, your options will be limited.
Scour the Internet aimlessly. Something about the lights and the screen just seem to kill brain cells.
Shop online! Now, it's been proven that shopping can give you a temporary mood boost, but that will only last as long as it takes for you to get that email confirming your impulse purchase! Then the guilt, and possibly fear about how you will pay for the item, will undoubtedly set in.
So if you're really intent on being an unhappy camper, some or all of these things should get you well on your way. Happy wallowing!
Don't bother to put on clothes; stay in your pajamas. I find that if I don't get dressed in the morning, especially when I'm sick, that can pretty much ensure a bout of the blues by midday. Don't dress the kids either if you can avoid it; happy, energetic kids will kill a depression. Better to have them as lethargic as you are.
Have something with loads of sugar as early as possible. That way, you'll have just enough energy to do what you absolutely must - like getting the kids out to school - but then you'll have that lovely sugar crash. The more sugar you've had, the harder it is to bounce back from the crash, so eat accordingly. There's also the added guilt of eating empty calories, but that only works if you've got any internal issues with your weight. If you're happy in your body, don't expect a sugar binge to help you to fix that.
Make sure you have nothing productive to do. I for one only have to leave the house for work a few days a week, so my best days for being down are the days I can stay at home.
Start a blog or create a MySpace, LiveJournal or some other such page, and then friend lock it. But don't invite anyone to come and join with you. That way if you need to add loneliness to your feeling of despair, you can just click on your page and see the glaring lack of interest in, well, you.
Talk to someone you can't stand, or at the very least, someone who will criticize you mercilessly. In-laws or parents can be great for this! Moms have really perfected this to an art-form, by the way, as have mothers-in-law (well, they are moms too, so it would stand to reason). Not married? No worries - there's always a bully somewhere close by if one only looks hard enough. Don't give up!
DO NOT leave the house, except in the case of fire or other life-threatening emergency, especially if (heaven forbid) the sun has decided to come out. This should be made easier if you've followed the first rule of not getting dressed.
Listen to sad music or watch a sad movie. Better yet, watch a show about really rich people, or someone who has things in life you will never even be able to dream of. Obviously, if you're rich and attempting to use this method, your options will be limited.
Scour the Internet aimlessly. Something about the lights and the screen just seem to kill brain cells.
Shop online! Now, it's been proven that shopping can give you a temporary mood boost, but that will only last as long as it takes for you to get that email confirming your impulse purchase! Then the guilt, and possibly fear about how you will pay for the item, will undoubtedly set in.
So if you're really intent on being an unhappy camper, some or all of these things should get you well on your way. Happy wallowing!
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